I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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