I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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