Banned from zoo.
Again?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
