You made me cry and you don't even care
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
