i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Randomize
