hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
