I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize