I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
