Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
