Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
