you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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