The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
