College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
