I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
