Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
