Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
