I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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