you guys were way drunker than both of me
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
