ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
