He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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