she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
