I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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