hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
