did you get engaged???
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
