Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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