M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
