I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Randomize
