I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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