Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
