Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
