I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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