I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
