It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
