dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
