Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
