I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
never play flip cup with pint glasses
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize