If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
