I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
