She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Boobs are out for the taking
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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