Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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