Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he puts the penis in happiness.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
