We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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