pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize