nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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