apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize