Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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