i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
