Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
