The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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