I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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