how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
