I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think I sprained my soul last night
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
