I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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