I got chris browned last night
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
