1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
