Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
