I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
