the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
