this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
