I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
