That's when you crack a 10am beer
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
