I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
