just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
