just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
