Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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