i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
