fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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